by K. Osorio-Teamer

Olivia had only been to one wake before today; she was six and she threw up when she saw her abuela’s face in the casket. She felt a little more prepared this time, having avoided food all morning. Still, she tugged on her cardigan sleeves nervously as she walked into St. Mary’s Funeral Home. There was a sign-in book near the entrance, but there weren’t as many signatures as Olivia expected. Next to the book, there was a large white poster with the smiling face of Arabela Dario, a smile Olivia was so used to seeing. Ms. Dario was a regular patient at the oncology clinic where Olivia worked as a nursing assistant. A breast cancer survivor, Ms. Dario came in monthly for lab work and injections to help with the damage chemo had done to her now withering bones. You’d never know she was in pain just by looking at her, though. That smile was as much a part of her ensemble as the signature scarves she tied around her neck. Olivia stared at the glossy face of her 74 year old friend. I wish I could see her entire outfit, she thought. Every monthly visit included a fashion show and history lesson, where Ms. Dario would show off her original pieces describing each one in length and then they’d discuss Olivia’s outfit for the day. 

  Once she signed her name, Olivia walked into the chapel to her right. Every step was somewhat uncomfortable in this room. People seated on either side of the walkway were either crying in silence or solemnly looking down. The pain in the room was palpable. Up front, there were people lined up to see Ms. Dario one last time. The line grew shorter and soon Olivia was face to face with her friend, this time the smile wasn’t there, but her favorite scarf was. It was a bright green with yellow and red flowers all over. Olivia felt her body betraying her. She forced her eyes to stay open, knowing one blink would unleash an avalanche of tears. She didn’t know what to say now that she was here. She walked away on shaky legs and made her way to bathroom. Once inside, she let out a scream, not the tears she was expecting. A man in a bear head stood in the bathroom – Olivia thought she was hallucinating. 

“Don’t freak out! I’m just in Terran cosplay!” The man’s muffled voice had a hint of panic under the black bear head. He turned in all directions, as if he was looking for the source of the scream.

“Obviously.” Olivia recognized his garments immediately. They were the garb of the Terrans from the science fiction movie Terra Spirit. “Either way, I can tell you’re not a real bear.”

“Oh.” He turned to face the stalls this time.  “You know about Terra Spirit?”

“Why are you quizzing me right now? You’re in the women’s bathroom. You need to get out!” 

“First of all, I didn’t know this was the women’s bathroom. Second of all, my bear head is stuck. Can you help me?” He said to the sinks on Olivia’s right. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Look at me. I’m just a guy in a bear head begging for help. Why would I lie?”

“Many reasons. You could be a murderer and this could be a trap.” Olivia was a devoted Law & Order: SVU fan and thought she knew every trick in the book.

“Even if I wanted to murder you, I couldn’t. I can’t even see, the eye holes aren’t lined up right. Can you just help me, please? I promise all these weapons are just props.” He had an array of knives and bear claw shaped weapons on his belt.

“Fine! Sit down so I can get a good grip.” He leaned down and searched for the floor with his hands. Olivia was still unsure if she could trust this man. She grabbed her pepper spray from her purse and put it in her back pocket, just in case. 

“Are you still there?” The bear head turned in both directions, searching for the sound of her presence. 

“Yeah, I’m coming.” She checked under each stall to make sure he didn’t have any accomplices hiding. Once she was sure they were alone, Olivia approached the bear head. 

“I’m Arturo, by the way. And you are…” He turned the head again looking for her. 

“Olivia and slightly annoyed.” 

“Nice to meet you, Slightly Annoyed,” he chuckled and Olivia’s eyes rolled as back as they could. 

“Ok, I’m done. Good luck, bear man.” She turned to walk away, she was not mentally prepared for this nonsense. 

“No no, please,” Arturo raised his hands and laughed in defeat. “I’ll stop. Just trying to lighten the mood.” 

“Well don’t.” She faced the head again. “Ok, I’m pulling it off. Ready?”

“Ready.” Olivia placed a hand on either side of the head and pulled up hard, but it felt like it was glued on. It wouldn’t budge. 

“Is your jaw relaxed?” 

“As relaxed as it can be.” The head didn’t move an inch no matter how hard she pulled. Olivia decided to try another approach. She bent down and wrapped her entire arm around the head, in a choke hold position. She pulled up hard. The sound of Arturo screams made her stop.

“Wait! My nose!”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry.” She took a few steps back, unsure of what to do next. 

“It’s fine, but can you try to pull slower?” Olivia did as he asked, but started to feel hot – she could feel the sweat falling down her forehead and back. She was getting that nasty feeling like she had forgotten something, a gaping hole in her back.

“It’s not coming off, Arturo. Maybe we should call 911.”

“Ok wait,” he raised his hands up, as if this would calm Olivia down, “that’s kind of an overreaction.”

“What if we can’t get it off?” Olivia’s mind was running at full speed with bad scenario after worse scenario. “What if you suffocate? We may need the jaws of life.”

“Let’s try something else. Maybe some soap and water? Or some lotion.” The calm in his voice alarmed Olivia, but did give her an idea.
“I have coconut oil in the car!” She was already headed towards the bathroom door. 

“That’s a little odd,” he remarked with a tone in curiosity. 

“I use it as a moisturizer. And you are the last person that should be calling anything odd right now.”

“True. Coconut oil should work, though. And if you’re gonna call someone, call my mom.” As Olivia walked out, Arturo added, “Actually, don’t.”

“Oh no? But she’d be so proud to hear her son has his head stuck in a bear head.” Olivia laughed on her way out of the bathroom and was greeted by the disappointed and mourning faces in the funeral home lobby. She had nearly forgotten where she was. She rushed out the door to her car. The coconut oil was in liquid form thanks to the warm weather. 

When she entered the bathroom, Arturo was in the same spot she had left him. If he wasn’t in a ridiculous bear head, Olivia would have thought he was meditating.

“I’m back.” 

“Cool. Someone came in while you were gone. She screamed and ran out.” He chuckled under the bear head. 

“You think she’s calling animal control? Here.” She handed him the open jar, and he started to look for nooks where he could fit his fingers to spread the oil. “What went wrong with the bear head? Did you have it custom made?”

“No, I ordered one online. It just doesn’t fit right.”

“But surely when you ordered it, you measured your head to make sure that it would fit.” Olivia crossed her arms in clear judgement. 

“I surely didn’t.”
“So you blindly ordered a bear head and it didn’t fit, but you still decided to wear it today?”

“No, I blindly ordered a bear head, came here, and then found out it didn’t fit,” he corrected. He was now slathering his neck in oil. 

“That’s even worse! You didn’t try it on before you got here?”

“I didn’t really think about it.”

“Wow, that is horrifying.” 

“It’s not too bad. At least I got to meet you.”

“Are you,” Olivia paused, her brows furrowed at Arturo, “flirting with me? At a funeral?”

“Technically, this is a wake.”

---

Part 2 coming soon!!